Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Dear Diary,

"So many of our sisters are disheartened, even discouraged, and disillusioned. Others are in serious trouble because of the choices they make. Satan has unleashed a seductive campaign to undermine the sanctity of womanhood, to deceive the daughters of God and divert them from their divine destiny. He well knows women are the compassionate, self-sacrificing, loving power that binds together the human family. He would focus their interests solely on their physical attributes and rob them of their exalting roles as wives and mothers."
-Richard G. Scott

I cannot begin to describe the feelings and emotions I had as I read this quote today. These words hit me hard - straight to the heart.

If you are close with me at all, you may have noticed that these past 2-ish weeks I have not been acting myself in the least. I sit quietly in class, keeping to myself. Absorbed in my thoughts, I block out everything around me. I don't laugh at funny things that happen, I barely respond when talked to, and I find my mood to be less than cheerful most of the time. I am so tired of feeling this way, yet I can't seem to shake it.

I am consumed with the thoughts that I am not good enough for anything, let alone anyone.
I feel unbeautiful and unappreciated.
I feel inadequate.
I feel discouraged and hopeless.

I don't feel that I am a part of anything important. I just wander from day to day with no direct purpose or plan.

I am sick of feeling this from when I wake up to when I go to sleep. I talk myself down all the time and I don't even know why. I see the effects of Satan in my life daily and I am beginning to break. I am drifting further from the path I was once on and all I wish is that I might get back on course...preferably sooner than later.

I guess I just want to feel a part of something. I want to feel appreciated - that I am important to someone out there. I want to feel wanted. I want to feel beautiful. I want to feel loved.

The only thing keeping me together at this point is my testimony. I know I will never be abandoned. I was never called to bear this burden on my own. I know that my Savior knows my heart and my pains. I know that this load will be lifted; this trial overcome. I know this more than I know anything else.

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.”
-Matthew 11:28-29


  1. I really appreciated this post. You are so wonderful.

  2. satan sucks. how he makes beautiful, charming, hilarious people like you feel like this i'll never know because you have so much to offer the world. hannah - i hope you know that i'm glad you're my friend. :)