Thursday, March 11, 2010

I'll Never Let Go, Jack

I want something. I want something I cannot have.

I try to distract myself with replacements and fillers, but none of them seem to over power the desire I have.

Patience is a virtue.

Maybe, just maybe, if I am patient long enough I can get what I want. Although, I don't want to get my hopes up.

Hope for the best, but expect the worst. The motto I choose to live by...TRY to live by. This system seems fool proof. By keeping to this I can't be hurt, yet I feel pain. My hopes tend to get in the way of my expectations. I feel as though this can't be helped. We all have hopes and dreams and desires, and it causes us pain or sorrow when we come to the realization that those dreams will never run in accordance with our reality. It's a disappointment.

How can we get over this disappointment when all we ever think and dream about is our one desire? I don't think I have the answer to this question. So, I choose to remain patient, and maybe, just maybe, everything will work out. Maybe, just maybe, I no longer have to feel the sting of disappointment.

Maybe, my hopes and expectations will collide to form one perfect reality.


So, until then, I'm holding on to my dreams. I know some of them are completely ridiculous and will never be fulfilled. This saddens me, but only to an extent. The joy of having these dreams over powers the sadness I may feel. These dreams of mine, no matter how ridiculous, give me something to hold on to.

Yes, this contrasts that motto, but I guess I don't really care. Screw expecting the worst. No happiness would ever be felt if we only expected the worst out of everything. True, we would never get hurt, but then again we would be hurting 24/7 anyway, and what's the point in that? That's just stupid.

Hold on to your hope and dreams. Who knows what could happen in the future?

I'll never let go of my desires. Not ever.

So, I choose to wait...patiently. I am choosing to see if my dreams, no matter how distant, will ever become my reality.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Not For Eating

Play-Doh: a modeling compound used by children for art and craft projects at home and in school.

I remember a book report I once did for school, fourth grade possibly, but I can't be too sure. I, being a scholarly young girl, read the entirety of the novel. I, then, contemplated the scene and images I wanted to use for my book float. After a long time of pondering, I decided to sculpt a train, a colorful train passing through the cities the novel contained. Using Play-Doh, I crafted each and every box-car to perfection.

I wish life was like containers of this magic clay. I wish I could sit and sculpt out the perfect life and have everything go exactly as planned. The world would be better if it was left up to me and my Play-Doh.

No matter how much I wish I could sit and make my life a brilliant masterpiece down to every last detail, I know this will never be so. As much as that saddens me, I am at peace.

As I think about life, I realize, life is like a train. Life is like a train. You get on at the beginning, you get off at the end. You never know who are going to meet, who will get on at the next stop, and when someone may get off. People can come and go from our lives just as quickly as passengers get on and off of a train. Once their ride is through, they are gone. Yet, this is not something to dwell upon or be sad about. We were lucky enough to have them for that part of the ride to begin with.

Just as with a train, there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel for us. No matter how bad life may seem to get, or how rough and rocky the tracks become, there is always hope at the end of the tunnel. Hold on. You can make it. I promise.

On my train, there is always a new adventure around every bend. Who knows what friends I will be making, who I am going to fall in love with, and what trouble I am going to get myself into. As I go on these adventures, I know someone will be there with me, taking the same ride I am. I feel so privileged knowing that right now my train is jam-packed of amazing friends and family.

Please, stay with me on this ride for as long as you want, all are welcome. I would enjoy all the company I could get. Don't leave this train, you will be missed. Plenty of Play-Doh is provided for those that wish to sculpt. But keep in mind, its good for sculpting, not for eating.